Exquisite Corpse #1

“Something fluid and silvery gray went slithering to the floor.”– Harry Potter
 
-1-
•    Tom jumped back as it reared its slimy head.
•    “It’s an alien from Mars!” he shouted, grasping the handle of his authentic Babe Ruth baseball bat tightly.
•    He had gotten the bat from his grandfather’s collection.
•    And without hesitation he proceeded to attack the strange thing on his floor.
•    He threw a punch, falling when he hit only air.
•    In seconds the fight had shifted from his favor.
•    One uppercut to the chin and he was on Stacy Beedram’s doorstep, necking her like there was no tomorrow.
•    Fortunately, tomorrow came, and Fred did not want to leave.
•    His friends had a different plan, however.
•    But the day was ending, so they decided to go home and eat the brownies grandma made.

-2-
•    The girl shrieked as she discovered that her ribbon was gone.
•    Frantically, she peered around, searching for her fallen treasure.
•    She quickly got down onto all fours, crawling around on the ground.
•    …Only to find that the magical beans had disappeared.
•    “Where’s my weed-whacker?!?” shouted Jack to a trembling Bessy.
•    “I hid it in the pantry. No one would ever dare to look in there,” said Bessy.
•    “Oh, really?!” With a swoosh of his long black cape, Mr. Evil swung open the pantry door, revealing the fluid and silvery substance!
•    So he did have the substance all along!
•    Angrily, he threw himself at the liar and attempted to get the substance.
•    Knocking him down, he grabbed the substance and held it victoriously over his head.

-3-
•    The home-ec students stared at the puddle in confusion, then at the girl holding a tipped over pot.
•    The puddle began to bubble as the students stared in disbelief at the silvery liquid.
•    “Is it dead?” queried a small voice at the back of the crowd.
•    “No, merely unconscious,” exclaimed the leader of the crowd.
•    The leader, whose name was Andrew, leapt into his shiny red convertible and sped away from the scene, leaving only a cloud of dust in his wake.
•    The boy stared in awe as he was left in Andrew’s dust.
•    All at once he began to cry, wishing that Andrew would find it in his heart to come crawling back, so that he could kill him for leaving.
•    Maybe he could stab him in the heart, to make him physically feel the emotional pain he had.
•    The thought sent shivers down their spines.
•    And then they all died of AIDS.

-4-
•    Johnny gasped and stared at it in horror.
•    “What is that grotesque thing?” he asked, poking it.
•    His friend curled his lip as he went to his knees to get a better look at it.
•    He prodded it with one finger, quickly drawing back when the thing shifted.
•    The strange thing then began to speak, saying…
•    “I say, I could do with a spot of tea right now—Earl Greg, if you don’t mind.”
•    “But we’re not in England, my dear friend,” said the flustered Frenchman.
•    Johnny slapped his forehead. “So that’s why I couldn’t order fish and chips at that diner!”
•    He felt the sting on his head from slapping himself.
•    In the end, he could only hit himself for his own stupidity.

-5-
•    The snake was eerily grey and not like other types of snakes.
•    This one had glowing red eyes where there should have been the cold, dark black eyes of a heartless monster.
•    It was those ruby eyes that sucked him in, as if there were no other creatures in the world but the two of them together.
•    But at the same time, looking closer at the eyes offset him; the more he stared the more frightened he became.
•    When he tried to back away, his legs felt heavy and wouldn’t move.
•    Giant monkeys had surrounded him, pulling down his legs.
•    “Not my pants!” he cried, “I can’t be naked—Nooooo…” he sobbed futilely as his pants were dragged from him.
•    He had a phobia for his pants being taken off—there has been no released name, though.
•    But eventually he forgot about the entire incident and his phobia faded into the dark abyss of adulthood.

-6-
•    Another followed after, and then one more after that.
•    Shocked silence spread through the lab.
•    “How dare you steal my cookie, you thief!” the scientist yelled.
•    “I daresay I’d rather be eaten by him,” piped the chocolate chip cookie, quite unexpectedly.
•    “But why would you want to be eaten by him?” said the other not-so-chocolaty cookie.
•    “Because his teeth are so clean!” the strawberry replied, “I mean, who wouldn’t want to get eaten by that guy?”
•    “Well, I don’t want to be eaten,” said the banana, “because I want to live a long and yellow life.”
•    A human caught sight of the banana and, with a shrug of her shoulders, ate it.
•    She forgot, however, that she was allergic to bananas.
•    …Leaving everyone with a dissatisfied look about them.

-7-
•    …as the wind blew through the Batcave.
•    “Holy tap-dancing tarantulas, Batman!” exclaimed Robin, “it’s the Venomous Villa Vaga of Merengué sent to kill us by the perilous Penguin!”
•    “But he escaped the Batcave already? How could that be?” said Batman.
•    “He stole our Bat-Jail-cell-destroyer and used it to escape!” cried Robin, “Holy escaping monkeys, Batman!”
•    “That’s all right, Robin,” replied Batman, “we’ve got bigger fish to fry.”
•    And without further ado, Batman flung himself off the building.
•    He grabbed onto the edges of his cape, spreading his arms to make makeshift wings.
•    As he spread his cape, he was thwarted by Batman as a Batarang sliced through his wings.
•    “How do you like them apples?” jeered Batman as the Batarang zoomed silently back into his hand.
•    “They’re quite juicy, but I would have rather enjoyed a soft peach.”