So, I know we didn't get to really talk about our writing last night with it being pushed back (and at Jaron's house...) so I thought I'd start a note saying what I thought about everyone's pieces from last night.
Amber -- your story is really interesting so far. I think I still get a little confused with whose voice we're hearing, and which character is which, probably because we've been overloaded with characters in a short amount of time, and there are still a few dialogue tags that need commas. Other than that critique, I think that you have some great imagery and you never bore me with details. What you choose to show (and you do show vs. tell quite well) reveals a lot. It was easy to picture someone unusually tall poking over everyone else.
Barbara -- even though what you brought was very short, it was also very clever. I loved how they were dealing with screaming fangirls while they were buying milk--cheap milk to boot. And imagining the girl as a twin to this guy just made me think that she was probably not spectacularly pretty, but lovable. The voice was very distinct.
Valerie -- your story is very cute, and even though I know that Bruka is evil, it still made me smile a little bit to read about her traveling through the dark forest like an evil queen does. The story moves fast, but that's good for a children's book. Keep bringing the story to the meetings, and I'll be sure to tell you if there's anything wrong. Right now, there isn't. I really like it, and I'm sure young audiences would, too.
Jaron -- I know you didn't bring anything to the writing group, but I know you've been doing major overhaul on your story, and I like what you've showed me idea-wise. I'm sorry that the people on the writing forum confused you. I really did like the original exchange between Chameleon and Zidaiku. It was packed with emotion, and it kinda sapped me. I felt drained reading something so awesome, not even kidding.
So there you go. *hint: return the favor*
Thursday, September 24, 2009
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Amber - I agree with Rachel. Some parts leave me a little confused, largely because of the wide cast of characters. But I still love your dialogue and your descriptions are great. Don't stop to edit if you think it will slow you down! I'm interested in your story and I'm glad you keep bringing more. I'm excited to hear what's coming next!
ReplyDeleteRachel - We've talked a bit about yours. I think making it more clear that this Elf has round ears might be a good move, just because people expect pointy ears when they hear Elf. Your dialogue on that second page was fantastic! It read very naturally and revealed a lot about the characters and their relationship.
I didn't really get time to read the others... sorry...
Response to Rachel - Between Chameleon and Zidaiku? Or do you mean Indigo and Zidaiku? In any case, the scene I posted on the forum will still be part of my story. I like the dynamic there between Indigo and Zidaiku. I'm really excited for the changes I've been making. I think it will help bring more of the early drama and emotion into the current story, rather than leaving it behind in the back story. That should help speed up and intensify the opening chapter... I hope it works out!
Rachel-I loved the dialogue on the second page. Like Jaron said it revealed a lot about the characters, I especially like the parts (not an expert speller of character names) when Octras was like "quit making me feel guilty for taking too much" it is a good quality and very funny to see his reactions when Tsira makes the deal with him. I'll have to agree with Jaron about the Elf thing in my mind I automatically see people with pointy ears. I'm excited for the next scene!
ReplyDeleteBarbara- now I know I read it before on Deviant, but it just gets better the second time around, I noticed more details that I missed. I think it would be a great thing to expand upon it. I really like the characters and the female twin just makes me laugh at her mischieviousness. But you could always go back to the other story with Lilian (Or however you actually spell it), are you still stuck with where you want to go to next?
Valerie-Love it. Your story is so cute and so easy to understand that it makes me happy. And I agree with Awesome Rachel:), children will love it.
Jaron- Don't ever let those weird forum people get you down. All they have is opinion (granted some really bad opinions, what is wrong with starting with a dream sequence? fools.) Part of me wishes to talk to them to find out what kind of writing they enjoy, maybe they aren't a fan of your genre, but in any case if they are going to be critics they have to look at the good as well as the bad. Otherwise, they are just lousy writers looking to spout an opinion.
What about mine?
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